As per my previous post on this topic title I mentioned that I had and am still continuing to face some rather monumental difficulties in my life and in my "career" as a currency trader (aka, foreign exchange operator). I am small time, an account less than 10K (growing though), with some memorable wins and some gut-wrenching losses in my past. My pattern is usually one of two or three steps forward and a step or two back, but at the moment I am progressing. Part of my problem at the moment is the fact that I cannot support myself through this activity alone, but I am looking forward to the day when it will be possible - I was on the cusp of it approximately three years ago, had an account just shy of 10K > grown from 1K a year prior, with an equity curve that I consider impressive considering I was working for someone else full time, with a combined commute of one to two hours a day thrown in to suck extra time away.
Then I got desperate, my work situation was - less than ideal and growing worse by the month, and I decided, and I chose my words carefully - fuck it, I loaded up against GBP/JPY sold 100,000K into the wickedest rally that I ever saw on this pair - a pair which for the most part I loved to buy low and sell high on. I threw myself against a brick wall, and refused to give up - being honest here. I lost, in the end $4500 on the trade when on Boxing day of 2013, the markets gaped above my stop loss - or did I run out of margin - no matter - I was stupid, and I was stupid for a period of a couple of months where I kept thinking I would come back, and I kept selling on the way up to add to my woes. Plain and simple I was an idiot, running into a brick wall repeatedly, thinking, soon it will retrace and then return to the range, and I'll earn my next 10K in a matter of months. I cannot stress the utter stupidity of the initial decision, but also the continued stupidity of what I continued deciding as the days wore on and I lost more ground to this trade, never mind the -ve carry on this sucker.
It takes a special kind of idiot (me at the time) to allow the feeling of desperation to overwhelm my normally good judgement (and cold blooded trading style), to interfere with my analysis, my money management, and my damn case money.
Never mind the fact that less than a year later, I did this again with the AUD/USD (during the shocking interest rate cut), this time I went long, and continued buying on the way down. lost only 1.5 K on that one, and in my defense, it was my home life (roommate, whom I sure meant well, but was extraordinarily harsh to be around), that was the distraction and the negative influence, so much so that on the month that I moved, I wrote this this piece on the importance of a good environment when attempting to work magic, to employ a craft, to build something of lasting value.
I am now here, just under a year later, and while it has definitely not been a cakewalk by any stretch of the imagination, I feel that my instincts for the trade are somewhat returning. I am nowhere near the level that I was back in the first 3 quarters of 2011, where for three or four solid months, I was earning more money trading than I was at my day job, while working my day job, while commuting, while sacrificing precious time in the present for the future, but I am still playing, and still making gains.
What did I do when I realized I had to fix my brain, especially in regard to how I operated? I stepped back, after a few mistakes, and took things slowly, also my broker started allowing microlot 1K positions to be taken, so I started trying to think like an institutional trader, which means I began to take my business more seriously and enter into deals more cautiously, and more slowly, building positions gradually - which I recommend to anyone who has lost the magic touch of instinctively finding tops and bottoms (which is what I used to do) and playing their whole hand right at the reversal point; which is a bit of bull, it is not magic, and tops and bottoms are generally speaking only a matter of time and perspective (quarterly, monthly, weekly, daily, 4-hour, 1-hour, 15-minute, 5-minute) i.e. which chart is being looked at.
While I have played a few hard and fast trades and done it well on occasion, I traded small for the most part and gradually improved my instincts to the point where some of the fear (and chain-smoking) diminished, and started to have a bit of fun. I realized this step back in intensity and focus allowed me time to heal, and time to look at other aspects of my life sorely lacking...
While I do not think I was quite at the breaking point, I really did feel almost no reason to continue trying, in trading and in life - it was that bad. I am not now in a much better position than I was a couple of months ago, my environment is not great but it is for the most part stable, my day job leaves a bit to be desired but the people there are great, and though I am still way more solitary than I am used to (I miss my old friends badly because I shut them out), I did make a few new friends when I stepped back and just feeling some sincere and meaningful human contact can work wonders even when the world seems to be collapsing around you.
Then I got desperate, my work situation was - less than ideal and growing worse by the month, and I decided, and I chose my words carefully - fuck it, I loaded up against GBP/JPY sold 100,000K into the wickedest rally that I ever saw on this pair - a pair which for the most part I loved to buy low and sell high on. I threw myself against a brick wall, and refused to give up - being honest here. I lost, in the end $4500 on the trade when on Boxing day of 2013, the markets gaped above my stop loss - or did I run out of margin - no matter - I was stupid, and I was stupid for a period of a couple of months where I kept thinking I would come back, and I kept selling on the way up to add to my woes. Plain and simple I was an idiot, running into a brick wall repeatedly, thinking, soon it will retrace and then return to the range, and I'll earn my next 10K in a matter of months. I cannot stress the utter stupidity of the initial decision, but also the continued stupidity of what I continued deciding as the days wore on and I lost more ground to this trade, never mind the -ve carry on this sucker.
It takes a special kind of idiot (me at the time) to allow the feeling of desperation to overwhelm my normally good judgement (and cold blooded trading style), to interfere with my analysis, my money management, and my damn case money.
Never mind the fact that less than a year later, I did this again with the AUD/USD (during the shocking interest rate cut), this time I went long, and continued buying on the way down. lost only 1.5 K on that one, and in my defense, it was my home life (roommate, whom I sure meant well, but was extraordinarily harsh to be around), that was the distraction and the negative influence, so much so that on the month that I moved, I wrote this this piece on the importance of a good environment when attempting to work magic, to employ a craft, to build something of lasting value.
I am now here, just under a year later, and while it has definitely not been a cakewalk by any stretch of the imagination, I feel that my instincts for the trade are somewhat returning. I am nowhere near the level that I was back in the first 3 quarters of 2011, where for three or four solid months, I was earning more money trading than I was at my day job, while working my day job, while commuting, while sacrificing precious time in the present for the future, but I am still playing, and still making gains.
What did I do when I realized I had to fix my brain, especially in regard to how I operated? I stepped back, after a few mistakes, and took things slowly, also my broker started allowing microlot 1K positions to be taken, so I started trying to think like an institutional trader, which means I began to take my business more seriously and enter into deals more cautiously, and more slowly, building positions gradually - which I recommend to anyone who has lost the magic touch of instinctively finding tops and bottoms (which is what I used to do) and playing their whole hand right at the reversal point; which is a bit of bull, it is not magic, and tops and bottoms are generally speaking only a matter of time and perspective (quarterly, monthly, weekly, daily, 4-hour, 1-hour, 15-minute, 5-minute) i.e. which chart is being looked at.
While I have played a few hard and fast trades and done it well on occasion, I traded small for the most part and gradually improved my instincts to the point where some of the fear (and chain-smoking) diminished, and started to have a bit of fun. I realized this step back in intensity and focus allowed me time to heal, and time to look at other aspects of my life sorely lacking...
While I do not think I was quite at the breaking point, I really did feel almost no reason to continue trying, in trading and in life - it was that bad. I am not now in a much better position than I was a couple of months ago, my environment is not great but it is for the most part stable, my day job leaves a bit to be desired but the people there are great, and though I am still way more solitary than I am used to (I miss my old friends badly because I shut them out), I did make a few new friends when I stepped back and just feeling some sincere and meaningful human contact can work wonders even when the world seems to be collapsing around you.
Wow, it is the best way and I am using for Forex trading
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